How Are You Wired?
I recently found myself in an awkward situation while facilitating a training session. After a great Day 1 and an even better morning of Day 2, I shared my opinion on an issue unrelated to the program or content. I know my intent was honourable — however, the impact was not. I could sense the unease and the subtle disconnection in eye contact.
I had gone “off-script” and talked about my personal life experience — my opinion on what had happened — without fully appreciating the place the people in the room were coming from. I liken some of what I see happening in my homeland today to what I witnessed in my birthplace — events that have had long-lasting, calamitous impacts on politics, society, and the economy, which still resonate today.
Oh, how we hoped that “common sense would prevail.”
It didn’t.
So, we sought a new future. We moved to a country I love and am eternally grateful for.
Yet on this day, in this training session more than eighteen years later, I displayed my personal scars and expressed the fears I’ve carried from my past. I lost my audience for that moment. Recognising this, I made a public apology and moved on with the agenda at hand. Outwardly, I was all professional — swan-like — but inwardly, my emotions were paddling furiously, a sick feeling of self-criticism bubbling away inside me.
Oh me.
Oh my.
Why, why, why?
That moment stayed with me long after the session ended. On the flight home, I kept replaying it — not out of guilt, but out of curiosity. What did it teach me?
It was a timely reminder that we all carry our own mental map of the world we live in. We all enter this world naked, scared, and ignorant — and it’s the families, cultures, and communities we grow up in that shape us.
Most of this happens unconsciously.
And those deep imprints shape the views, beliefs, opinions, and fears we unconsciously express today.
It reminded me that these patterns weren’t reasoned into me, so they will be difficult to reason out. Only when the unconscious becomes conscious can we act on it. Mine became conscious.
How about you? Have you ever paused long enough to notice what’s wired within you — the experiences, assumptions, and fears that silently shape how you see the world?
The challenge I’d also like to share, using my personal blip (in an otherwise growth- and impact-rich week), is to ask you what I asked myself:
Am I giving enough attention to understanding the map of those I’m working with — those I’m leading — whether at home, at work, or in the community?
As Stephen Covey wrote in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
“Seek first to understand, before being understood.”
Are you practising this habit consistently in every interaction?
Review your week.
Rate your performance on a scale of 1–10.
And if you’re short of 10, consider the steps you can take to apply this habit — and connect with someone through empathy — next week.
Empathy doesn’t erase your story — it helps you see someone else’s more clearly.
I was the swan that day — calm above, chaos below — but maybe that’s leadership too: learning to stay composed while the heart does its hard work beneath the surface.
Legacy is built in the noise — but refined in the pause.
Gary Good
Founder — LeaderLegacy